Post your Funny Stories & Jokes here

[shootodog]

happy mother's day!

A Woman's Poem

He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake.
My biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make.

I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.

I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and smacked him...
Like his Mother used to do.

[businessdoctor]

Broaden Your Vocabulary

KUKURIKABU – libag sa ilalim ng boobs ng mga babae pag nagpowder
WENELEKLEK – makapit na amoy sa balat galing sa leather ng relos
BAKTOL – ikatlong antas ng pamatay na amoy
AGIHAP – libag na gumuhit sa brief o panty
BURNEK – buhok sa puwet
BULTOKACHI – splash ng tubig sa pwet pagkabagsak ng dumi
MULMOL – buhok sa nunal
TUTCHANG – malagong buhok sa ilong
PROKWIT – pagtanggal o paghugot ng undwear o short sa nangangaing puwet

[legshot420]

Medyo oldy na 'to pero it's worth to read again. Thank you!

Mahal kong Anak,

Naipadala ko na limampung libong piso na tuition fee mo, pinagbili na namin ang mga kalabaw natin. Ang mahal pala ng subject mong COUNTER STRIKE.
Wala na din pala tayong baboy naibenta na din para dun sa sinasabi mo na project nyo na NOKIA N95.
Ang mahal naman ng project na yun. kasama din ang pitong libong piso dun para sa field trip nyo sa MALL OF ASIA.
anak malayo ba yun mag ingat ka pagbibiyahe mo, isasanla palan namin ang palayan natin para mabili ko nag yung instrumentong I-POD na kinakailangan mo sa laboratory nyo.
Anak, komportable ka ba dyan sa boarding house mo? San ba ka mo yan sa VICTORIA COURT - maganda ba dyan di ba mainit dyan.
Anak kamusta na pala yung group project nyo na SAN MIG LIGHT napailaw nyo na ba? Mataas ba nakuha nyo na grado dun?

Anak sana bago pa maubos ang lahat lahat ng ar ian natin ay maka gradweyt ka na, walong taon ba talaga ang kurso mo sa SECRETARIAL.
Sana pag graweyt mo makakuha ka ng trabaho kaagad kagaya ng manager ng kumpanya para mabawi natin ang mga ari-arian natin sa sanglaan.
Ay sya nga pala anak di ba sabi mo palagi kumakain sa JOLLIBEE / MCDO.
ok ba naman sayo ang mga ulam dyan baka hindi masarap kawawa ka naman.
Eh yung school service nyo na TAXI sabihin mo sa driver mag ingat siya sa pag dri-drive.

Anak hanggang dito na lang at sa susunod ay ipapadala ko sayo ang pera na pambili mo ng ALTIS na gagamitin mo sa VACANT SUBJECT mo.


Ang nagmamahal
Amang at Inang

P.S. Anak mag aral ka ng mabuti.

tsong nedepress ako dito. haha

[frake]

@shootdog - thanks for the share, sir.
@businessdoctor - very funny, sir..lmao
@legshot420 - pasensya na, sir. hehehe! though same tayo ng naramdaman nung una ko din nabasa yan

[jerubaal]

A guy woke up in the morning with a terrible hangover. Next to the bed was a couple of aspirins, a glass of water, and a note from his wife ? ?Honey, there?s a hot breakfast waiting for you in the kitchen. Love, your wife?. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He stumbles into the bathroom and notices a huge black eye. After shaving, he goes to the kitchen, and sees that the hall mirror is broken too.

His son is in the kitchen and as he?s eating his huge breakfast the guy asks the son what all this is about.

Well, last night you came home drunk off your ass, stumbled into the mirror and hit your head on the doorknob. Mom helped you to bed, and as she?s trying to get your pants off you kicked her away and said! "get off me lady!, Im married!"

[frake]

A guy woke up in the morning with a terrible hangover. Next to the bed was a couple of aspirins, a glass of water, and a note from his wife ? ?Honey, there?s a hot breakfast waiting for you in the kitchen. Love, your wife?. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He stumbles into the bathroom and notices a huge black eye. After shaving, he goes to the kitchen, and sees that the hall mirror is broken too.

His son is in the kitchen and as he?s eating his huge breakfast the guy asks the son what all this is about.

Well, last night you came home drunk off your ass, stumbled into the mirror and hit your head on the doorknob. Mom helped you to bed, and as she?s trying to get your pants off you kicked her away and said! "get off me lady!, Im married!"

yehehehe! lucky for him that he said that..jejeje!

[legshot420]

Use "chicken not bread" in a sentence...






















...Junjun, istap chooking yor seester, chicken not bread.

[legshot420]

Why don't chickens have tits? ... Because roosters don't have hands.

[kezo]

What is the smartest thing to come out from a woman's mouth?



Einstein's c#ck!!!

[jerubaal]

pakingan ng naka headphones (NSFW)

YouTube - Ang Pagjajakol (for pinoys only)